**Waving and waiting for the thuderous applause to die down…**
Fank you! Fank you berry much! Hello, my fellow Dountcrats! I’m Fibbs and I am berry honored to accept the first eber Donutcratic Party nomnom-ination for President ob the United States and other places in dis galaxy and beyond! If you are listening to me tonight, you want answers – and you want to make sure your leaders understands your issues and concerms. I am dat leader!
I fink I speak for all ob us when I say dat too many days now feel like Mondays. And too many people are being crabby and stuff all da time. Everybody is afraid ob losing out on Yogies and that they will not hab enough snacks for snacktime wiff their friends and fambily.
Well, I say: Nuts to dat! I fink it’s time we moob our country to a happier place! Instead of building walls and deleting emails, like some other camdidates, I beliebe dat what we really need is a comfy sock in ebery home, and a donut in each hand! Milo tells me abolishing Mondays would disrupt the space/time fabrics, so we can’t do dat exactly, but we can offer a tissue for ebery sad, make sure ebery home has a comfy sock to turtle-turtle in until Monday is ober. I promise to keep funding Marty’s School ob Bizness to keep our population smart and productib.
Remember, first you hab to make strings to make socks and dat means lots ob jobs for eberyone in America. Then, once we’re all inside our socks, we’ll hab to make lots ob donuts, and sing songs, and tell stories and jokes, and hab da best snuggle time eber! Dat will make America happier again! Then we can make socks for all da other countries too and da whole world will be better than eber! ’Cause I fink we all know in our hearts dat wiff a donut in hand, you can’t be mad. And wiff socks indeed, we will succeed!
Some ob the other camdidates like to talk about America and stuff, but I say we need socks not talks! Wiff Wimbley, Milo, Marty and Mom and Dad and Gourdon and Lionel and Bo Vine and Phineous and all ob my feline brothers and sisters and all ob my friends like you behind me and adbising me, I know we’ll win dis election and win at solbing all ob the world problems and other fings. And now, I would like to announce my running mate, who will be helping us fru the rest ob dis elecshun is our good friend… Marty Feltman!
So dats it: Bote for Fibbs and let’s make America a Shining Sock on a Hill again wiff room for all ob us. Bote Fibbs and bote often! Fank you! Fank you!
Okay – Wimbley, time to drop da ballooms! But let me get out ob the way first, because ballooms are kind ob scary.