Dis Fibbs Frost again wiff another weather report. Dis time I am back in Califorbia, and it’s hot and on fire. We need to get these two natural disasters together! Maybe if eberybody in Louisiana jumps all at the same time, the water will pole bault ober to Califorbia and put out the fires. It’s worff a try.
Back to you in the studio. I’m going home.
Dis Fibbs Frost here wiff a breaking report from Louisana. Fings are not good here! It’s flooding bad. Too much water is going in the houses and in the roads and not eberybody has a boat and the animals and the people are getting drowned out ob their homes! It’s not good. Not good at all. Many are stranded and running out ob supplies because all the pet shops are flooded too and you can’t get to them if they are not, and they don’t hab internet and it’s just a huge mess! Not eben donuts can fix it. I am going to donate all the proceeds from my campaign buttons (so if you hab been waiting, buy some now!) and if you would like to help, here are many ways you can do it:
Caras House – They are organizing the Lamar Dixon Expo Center as a refuge for misplaces dogs, cats, horses, pigs, chickens, deer, rats, ferrets and all kinds of animals.
The Louisiana State Animal Response Team
The local rat rescue in Walker, LA has a dire need for supplies or donations to get supplies. The internet is spotty so they can’t order themselves. They need fresh fruit, paper towels, jars of dried mixed bugs, Tidy Cat Glade litter, Oxbow Comfort Blend bedding, Zupreem Grain free Ferret Diet or send them some money so they can buy the things they need to help these animals. You can send them these supplies directly (or via Amazon) to dis address:
For the Love of Rats Rescue
c/o Darleen Watts
13320 JoyceLynn Rd
Walker LA 70785
**Waving and waiting for the thuderous applause to die down…**
Fank you! Fank you berry much! Hello, my fellow Dountcrats! I’m Fibbs and I am berry honored to accept the first eber Donutcratic Party nomnom-ination for President ob the United States and other places in dis galaxy and beyond! If you are listening to me tonight, you want answers – and you want to make sure your leaders understands your issues and concerms. I am dat leader!
I fink I speak for all ob us when I say dat too many days now feel like Mondays. And too many people are being crabby and stuff all da time. Everybody is afraid ob losing out on Yogies and that they will not hab enough snacks for snacktime wiff their friends and fambily.
Well, I say: Nuts to dat! I fink it’s time we moob our country to a happier place! Instead of building walls and deleting emails, like some other camdidates, I beliebe dat what we really need is a comfy sock in ebery home, and a donut in each hand! Milo tells me abolishing Mondays would disrupt the space/time fabrics, so we can’t do dat exactly, but we can offer a tissue for ebery sad, make sure ebery home has a comfy sock to turtle-turtle in until Monday is ober. I promise to keep funding Marty’s School ob Bizness to keep our population smart and productib.
Remember, first you hab to make strings to make socks and dat means lots ob jobs for eberyone in America. Then, once we’re all inside our socks, we’ll hab to make lots ob donuts, and sing songs, and tell stories and jokes, and hab da best snuggle time eber! Dat will make America happier again! Then we can make socks for all da other countries too and da whole world will be better than eber! ’Cause I fink we all know in our hearts dat wiff a donut in hand, you can’t be mad. And wiff socks indeed, we will succeed!
Some ob the other camdidates like to talk about America and stuff, but I say we need socks not talks! Wiff Wimbley, Milo, Marty and Mom and Dad and Gourdon and Lionel and Bo Vine and Phineous and all ob my feline brothers and sisters and all ob my friends like you behind me and adbising me, I know we’ll win dis election and win at solbing all ob the world problems and other fings. And now, I would like to announce my running mate, who will be helping us fru the rest ob dis elecshun is our good friend… Marty Feltman!
So dats it: Bote for Fibbs and let’s make America a Shining Sock on a Hill again wiff room for all ob us. Bote Fibbs and bote often! Fank you! Fank you!
Okay – Wimbley, time to drop da ballooms! But let me get out ob the way first, because ballooms are kind ob scary.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce the first nomnom-inee ob the Donutcratic party, my brother, and the next President ob the United States and other places….. I introduce to you…FIBBS!!
Dis Milo, reporting here at the Donutcratic Conbenshun where excitement is building leading up to acceptance ob the party nomnominashun and speech by Fibbs!
It’s been an exciting few days here wiff all the great guests and endorsements. Fibbs is all spiffy clean and anxious to speak to all ob you. Eberyfing is going smoothly, but it got a little rocky for a moment. There hab been a few Fibbs detractors from the vegetable lobby who caused a bit of a scene, but when tasted the donuts they joined the bandwagon.
Fanks for joining us today, we will be back tomorrow wiff more excitement and the conclushun to dis ebent! Back to you…
Greetings proud donutcrats. Dis Phineous. I’m doing important internashunal bizness here in New York, but not as important as stumping for my fellow MSOB granulate Fibbs. I even found a bery nice stump.
Dis is a bery important election. During my time in New York, I hab met fellow rodents who have neber eaten a donut. Pizza? Yes. But dey hab neber known the smile dat only a donut can gib you.
America is falling behind other countries in the competitive bizness of donut making. Remember dat old commercial wif the man who said, “Time to make the donuts?” (OK, dat commercial was before my time, but dad showed it to me on YouTube). Now what is America’s most famous donut store known for? Coffee!
Dis can not stand. Fibbs has the motivation and bizness skill to make American great donut makers again. Wif Fibbs in charge, he will put people to work and more donuts, means a happier America. We’ll become a key exporter of donuts, sharing donut goodness wif the world. And aliems.
America needs change.
America needs donuts.
America needs Fibbs.
Now I’ll get off my stump. It’s a long way down. A little help here?
Hello people! I am brother ob Fibbs, and hab libed wiff him all ob my life. He is a great and will make a really good leader for eberybody. He only peed on my head dat one time, is generally pretty good about sharing snacks and he is great to nap wiff. But I’m getting off track, because chances are you won’t get to nap wiff him. Anyway, Fibbs has lots ob wonderful qualities and has a big passion for donuts. I believe in his vision ob donuts for eberyone. “Wiff a donut in hand, you can’t be mad”. It’s true.
Fibbs is ultra responsib to problem solbing, and other matters ob state. He already has some good people in a cabinet ready to help. When you bote for Fibbs, you know your bote will count for goodness, peace, decency, kindness, acceptance and snacks. He lubs to meet new people and is easy to get along wiff, he will make a great president.
I am berry excited about someday getting to bisit the Fibbs prediential library and reading there all day!
P.S. Dis Wimbley. Fank you for your support.
Hey! No press in here! I’m getting ready for my big moment at the conbenshun…. please wait outside.
